Talk About Getting "Slicked"

Yesterday I had to get new tires for the Escalade aka "Esplanade." I knew exactly what kind of tires I needed and called ahead to be sure they were in stock. Of course when I arrived at the tire store the guy that I spoke with on the phone was not there. Big surprise there. I went through the whole spiel again about what kind of tires I wanted etc. The sales guy then asks me if I want 4 tires. Who the hell buys only one?! Blah, blah, blah. He starts to ring me up when he asks, "Do you want your tires slicked?" I'm like, "What?" Again, "Do you want your tires slicked?" I'm still not sure that "slicked" was the word he used but whatever. I thought it meant wiping the outsides of the tires with Armorall for that shiny look. NOT. Apparently, slicking is a process in which they coat the treads of the tires with some spray on shit that makes for better traction. I told him I did not want this because "I drive an Escalade. Do you think traction is an issue for me? And If I'm buying new tires and the traction sucks, you can bet I will be right back in here tomorrow to see you, Ryan!" Have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous? I should have asked how much it was and how many idiots actually fall for this. Unbelievable.

A Brief Lesson in Andersonese

When we adopted Ozzy we took a family vote on whether to keep his name or change it. I wanted to change it but lost the vote 2-1. Over time Ozzy has developed into Osbourne, Osborneo, Bjorn dog, Bjornin, Binny, Binbob, Bin Laden, Benjamin, Benjammin, Benjamminanineeno, Benbob and too many more to list. And believe it or not the dog answers to all of these.

This morning Ozzy was a happy dog playing with his new rawhide bone. Chewing it, hiding it, finding it, hiding it again. Rick came into the room and said to Ozzy, "Where's your binbone, Benbob? Binbob, where's your benbone?" And Ozzy knew exactly what he meant and promptly retrieved his binbone.

Other examples of Andersonese:
If something is chicken, it is small. Examples: He sure drives a chicken car. They live in a chicken house. I don't want to eat there, they have chicken steaks!
If something is a Waaaaaaaah, it is extraordinarily large, as in a very long french fry. If you are eating fries with someone and you come accross a very long one you should hold it up for all to see and say Waaaaaaah!
If something is a Haaaaaaaah, it is an extraordinary accomplishment. Example: When Lauren's skating team won the gold medal in Italy I believe Rick's first word to her was Haaaaaaah!

That's all for today. I don't want to overwhelm you. But you will be quizzed next time I see you.

My Unsolicited Review

Last night we ventured out in this God awful freezing weather to see George Strait at the new Sears Centre in Hoffman Estates. While the concert itself was pretty good (I thought George could have played more of his hits) the venue and parking sucked the big one! I think the arena holds about 6000 people and they appear to have parking for only about 12 vehicles. They were parking people over a mile away with shuttle buses to the arena. That's all fine and dandy except that I'm pretty sure they only had about 2 buses. We waited in the 5 degree temperature (not taking into consideration the wind chill factor, which in Chicago is more relevant than the actual temperature) for more than 30 minutes to catch a shuttle to the arena. And when the concert ended it was another long wait for a bus. At least this time the wait was indoors. Had we known this we would have dressed as if we were going to a Bears game, complete with flasks. On top of all this, it seemed that they had no real plan for handling this situation. It was complete chaos. I am truly surprised there was not a riot or the like. And they wonder why Sears is in the dumper! I for one will not ever return to the Sears Centre and if you were smart you wouldn't either.

Happy 10th Anniversary to J & J!

And many, many more! We love you!

In Loving Memory

There are so many things we will miss about Jane. These are just a few.
Chocolate chip cookies
Chocolate cake
Pork roast w/onions
Deviled eggs
Potato salad
Macaroni salad
Chicken soup (the best in the world!)
Shrimp dip (tailgates just won't be the same without it)
Little notes/articles in the mail, sometimes for no reason
Birthday, Anniversary, Valentine's, Easter, Halloween cards (she never forgot anything)
Lamb cakes aka "Parade of Lambs"
Her laugh and sense of humor (nobody appreciated a dirty joke more than Jane)
Her standing at the bedroom window as we leave for Bears games
Bags of "shit"
Identical shirts for Rick, Ron and Ken
English toffee
Cornflake cookies
Hawaiian cake
And Ozzy will miss the bones she always saved for him

If you're wondering why so many things are food, it is because Jane was a fabulous cook. I think Rick is proof of that.

The very first time I met Jane, Rick and I had been dating for about a month. We had a lovely dinner at her house and she sent me home with 2 big bags of groceries since I had just moved into a new apartment. As a single mom working two jobs, I appreciated that more than you can imagine. Over the years there were many more bags of "shit" as we affectionately named them. Sometimes we would be leaving her house and she would be yelling, "Don't forget your bags of "shit!"

For years she would make us elaborate meals for tailgating at the Bears games. Keep in mind she did this for years before I came on the scene. We would arrive at her house on game day morning and she would be frantically packing up our meal. Ken would holler up from the basement, "Mother, are we ready yet? We have to go Mother!" I swore to her in her kitchen way back then that when she went I would not be making meals at 6am on game day. The boys would have to eat stadium hot dogs. Apparently, I lied. Because here I am making the tailgate meals. Not nearly as good or as elaborate as hers but I am doing it. She thought that was hysterical.

The first time she met Ozzy she said "He sure has a little dick!" We just about fell over with laughter. Of all things to notice. But its the truth. Poor Oz. And no balls to boot!

May she rest in peace until we meet again.

Looks Like We Raised Her Right

A Moooooooooose jersey and a Tiffany necklace. That's my girl!

B E A R D O W N !

I'm sure you've seen this already...

...but I just had to!

B E A R D O W N !

Venison Anyone?

I've always been more of a tomboy than a girl. Not that I don't like girlie things because nothing makes me happier than a nice pair of shoes or a new Coach purse, except champagne of course. But sports and competition is where its at for me. And although I have never been a big fan of hunting, I am contemplating taking up this sport. Why? So I can shoot the deer that terrorize my dog on a daily basis. Or maybe I should shoot the dog......